Courage

 

I wrote this piece as part of my audition for The Sling Diaries- the theme was Courage, and I thought I’d share it here too! If you aren’t already familiar with The Sling Diaries and Sakura Bloom, you can read about how much I LOVE their slings in this post and find out more about The Sling Diaries project here.

 

Courage

The word Courage often evokes images of a fire fighter heroically saving others from a burning building, or of an activist risking their life to carve out new paths for humanity. The courage of motherhood is quieter, more personal and nuanced. Courage is defined as ‘the ability to do something that frightens one’ and in that respect motherhood has you covered in terms of the whole “do one thing each day that scares you” thing. Every step on our journey brings new questions and a whole myriad of ways to worry “Am I doing this right?” “Am I good enough?”

One of my favorite quotes regarding parenthood is by Elizabeth Stone and says that “Making the decision to have a child, it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” That quote has always stuck with me for beautifully capturing the vulnerability that comes with parenthood. The pure force of love I felt towards Amelie from the moment she was born was the most beautiful, wonderful and ecstatic thing I had ever felt, and at the same time utterly terrifying. As parents we make decisions every day that affect our children’s lives, we must be a role model when we feel less than perfect, be a teacher when we are afraid we don’t have the answers, to know that we are charged with teaching them about the world, about life, about love. There are times when being so much can become incredibly overwhelming and it takes great courage to silence the inner critic who often surfaces uninvited to insist that I must be doing this all wrong and to trust ourselves.

It can be all too easy to get wrapped up in scrutiny, whether from an outside source, or often from ourselves. But that same depth of love that drives our fears, paradoxically gives us the courage to face them. I have found motherhood to involve a lot of introspection. Having the courage to look at myself, my values, fears and actions more closely and to think about what messages I want to pass on to Amelie and what kind of example I want to be to her. At times this self analysis can be exhausting and scary, but out of this introspection came growth and a newfound confidence.

Courage is one of the myriad of qualities that children seem to have in abundance yet often seems to diminish over time. There will be situations in Amelie’s life that may make her doubt herself, but I hope to nurture and support her natural courage and show her the wisdom of her inner voice. I want her to know that it is OK to question ourselves, but that she has the strength, wisdom and courage to overcome and learn from her doubts.

As time goes on and I see the amazing, loving, bright and bold little girl Amelie is becoming, I get that more and more confident in my role as a mother. When we have the courage to listen to our instincts, our child and our family, we find our true voice. We see that we really are good enough. Motherhood has given me the courage to surrender, to be both a teacher and a student, to more deeply understand myself, and to jump in and wholeheartedly experience everything my new role has to teach me.